Sunday, February 15, 2009

Mr. Obama...Before You Do Anything Drastic...Consider the Cat

Dear Mr. President:

I admit it. I’m a woman who loves cats too much, (is that possible?) So I’m writing to you on their behalf in the hope you will reconsider substituting this savvy, serene, supremely intelligent animal for that other four-legged creature as your choice of First Pet. Indeed, putting a puddie in the White House will not only save you time (cats are low maintenance, no-walk animals), but also help you create a calmer, more thought-provoking, no-bark administration.

Now, I realize you made a promise to your girls. However, before you do anything drastic, please read and consider the fine points of this incredible animal so you and your daughters can make an informed choice. And, yes, I do agree both species have their strong points. It’s just that the cat has more of them. Indeed, not only is he the superior animal overall, he is the superior animal for the job. Here’s why:

Cats are peace-loving. They do not use aggression to get their point across. They don’t believe in macho shows of bravado. Nor would they ever bark loudly, bare their teeth, or bite anyone (especially a reporter) who tries to pet them.

Cats are discerning in their allegiance. And while, granted, that other animal is noted for his loyalty, the difference is cats are judicious and focused. They are not at the beck and call of any stranger who lobbies them, nor are they easily swayed by anyone who gives them a pork belly.

Cats are independent thinkers. Unlike dogs who live for approval, cats don’t base important decisions on the approbation of anyone else. They are not influenced by the crowd. (This highly desirable characteristic has been touted by the opposition as being snooty and aloof, when in reality, it shows courage of conviction.)

Cats are the epitome of patience and restraint. They are superior strategists who wait and watch before they pounce, if, indeed, the situation calls for pouncing at all.

Cats are savvy conservationists. They do not expend energy--especially their own--on trivialities such as fetching or shaking hands. What’s more, like Winston Churchill and other noted dignitaries, cats know how important naps are to a statesman’s well-being.

Cats are never greedy. They don’t believe more is better, and unlike dogs who gobble up everything in sight, they consume only what they need to survive. Cats also take great pains to share--particularly mice and garden snakes--with their constituents.

Cats exude civility. They have a gentleman’s manners, are impeccably groomed, and make the best of impressions. They handle themselves admirably at state dinners and would never dream of rolling in the mud before meeting with a foreign official. What’s more, you’d never catch them begging for table scraps.

Cats are super-intelligent. They’ve been branded by campaign smearers as dumb because they do not jump when someone calls. However, like all good politicians, cats just know how to turn a convenient deaf ear when they’re not interested.

Cats are extremely budget conscious. They are low maintenance animals whose constituents pay about $304 a year for them as opposed to the $416 they shell out for dogs.

Cats are good at routing out rats and other vermin—perfect for a new admistration.

Finally, despite centuries of being in and out of favor with the masses--felines have catapulted over that other animal as America’s favorite house pet.

So why not America’s favorite White House pet?


P.S. Thanks to Rachel Warren for the photo of Dakota, a registered Democrat.


1 comment:

  1. Indeed! A cat seems to fit more with the Obama-family style anyway, and what better late-night decision-making companion would give you their honest opinion of your plan?

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