I love book fairs....at least I did until recently. I used to really enjoy meeting new people, talking to them and shaking their hands, looking at the pictures of their cats, kissing their kids.
A thing of the past...at least for the present...and why? Because a bunch of pigs didn't cover their mouths when they said "Ah-choo," and we're left with the consequences: Swine Flu.
Now, Book Expo America is about a month away. And I can just imagine the scene. No hugs and kisses on both cheeks when you meet old friends. Maybe a wave from across the floor...that is, if you have protective gloves on. And at my signing, I guess I'll have to wear a mask (maybe I can get some color-coordinated to my outfits...though the standard blue might bring out the seagreen in my eyes.) Maybe I'll wear plastic gloves as well, and perhaps my publicist can spray and wipe the books before I sign them.
I could just order an infectious disease headgear..you know the ones that look like deep-sea diving helmets, with the glass in the front and an oxygen tank on the back. It would probably set me back a pretty penny. But, hey, I'd be helping the economy and something like that's bound to be tax deductible.
Oh, and instead of offering unhygienic dishes of candy to my fans, perhaps I can find individually-wrapped Vitamin C tablets...or little bottles of Echinacea.
Or maybe I'll just invite book lovers over to my house, and after they've passed through my
disinfectant detoxification shower, I can have my lookalike robot hand them already-signed books....inscribed "with love...forget the kisses."